Broken Pieces

I drown in my own thoughts. Never knowing the right thing(s) to say. Sometimes I have to tip toe around everyone.  No one gets me, does that mean I’m stupid? Does it mean that I am more un-normal than I originally thought?

These thoughts they consume me, mostly at night or when I am alone. It doesn’t help that everything in life is temporary and usually they all end around the same time. Friendships, relationships, death, school, employment, relocation.

Everyone has burdens holding them down. But I have demons, demons that run thru my head trying to control me. They tell me to say things and do things before thinking. Thinking of the relevance and repercussions.

Sometimes I feel that they only way to stop this madness that are my thoughts are to end them. The problem with ending these thoughts means that I have to end with them.

Is ending my life worth hurting all the ones I love? Am I being selfish? I think I am being realistic. If I already feel dead inside – why not just finish the job? My body is ready – my mind is shattered – I just have to convince my heart.

My heart cares to much what others think, how my loved ones will be able to move on (if they do). Is my pain more than theres will be losing me?

I’ve heard a quote that in the end you only have yourself, and I’m sorry – myself is what I hate. I thank they people in my life that called me names, that said I wasn’t good enough, thought I was always wrong, degraded me, and didn’t believe in me… I wouldn’t be me without them. I wouldn’t have tried to be happy and change, though nothing changed at least I can say I tried.

I warned people, they saw it coming. They didn’t believe me, but trust me the end is near. I just need someone to save me, care what I have to say, fix my broken pieces, and take the time to understand how I feel.

But Cinderella didn’t really lose her shoe, Snow White didn’t get the princes kiss, and Ariel never got her voice back. Fairytales don’t existno one is going to save you or me.

The Losing Battle

I can’t stop the hurting, it consumes me
My head and my heart just aren’t what they use to be

The pain never subsides
I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive

This pain wants to be my friend
I keep fighting, trying not to let it in

 But it always breaks my walls
No one near can hear my calls

 I don’t want this pain to be the end of me
Although, sometimes the present is all I see

 The future is all but unclear
I’m starting to lose all the worries of my fears

 Fears to not exist
I’m starting to feel deaths kiss

 The reason being, is there’s no pain after you die
If what I believe in is true, I’ll fly up to the sky

 Meet my maker is what I hope
I will ask him, to explain my life in a scope

 But it doesn’t matter because it’s to late
Because no one saw or cared, so I lost my faith

 Now I don’t hurt or want to cry
Because you don’t have feelings after you die

Moonstruck

I have never been so timorous
It’s like I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve

 As you can see I am quite nervous
Nervous, that when we fight you might leave

 See if you go my heart goes too
So, I suck it up and try not to be anxious

 For once in my life I see no one else but you
It’s like you’re this rare disease, so infectious

 I don’t go to the doctor
I want to be sick

 There is no cure for it, this disease you concocted
And baby, I came down with it quick

 So if you die, so do I
It’s a Romeo and Juliet kind of love

 I keep asking my self why?
Why is it you, that I so much crave?

 But I know the answer to the question I ask
You’re different than the others

 You’ve never hid behind a mask
I will never be able to be another’s

 You have my heart and love in your hand
It’s glued, stitched, and stuck

 Threw every hurricane we will withstand
Thank you for making me so moonstruck

Fix

Sometimes I don’t know what to say
Especially when you’re in a rage

I don’t mean to make you despondent
Just know I always want to make you feel wanted

I promise I can be enough
But honestly relationships are tough

I don’t care how hard this will be
Just please, baby don’t leave me

I hate to see you cry
I promise I’ll always be nearby

I wish you would let your emotions out
Instead you just let them hide and fill up with self-doubt

Baby, I know your sick
And I promised that you I would fix

The truth is, there is nothing to fix
One day you will realize this, which is what I predict

Please put all your bad days behind you
Let us start over our lives together, brand new

Because in the end all that matters is my love for you